Our class president, Mo Cheeks, contacted us today informing us that he was holding a press conference regarding the Barry Bonds home run chase. What you are hearing was taped a few hours ago.
Until now, Mo has not spoken publically about whether he will be attending the record breaking game. You will want to listen to what he has to say – the future of our class rests in his hands.
We have just received word that the Class of ’93 was slamming our class at their reunion this weekend at the Irish Times. They were claiming to be the “best” class ever.
Unfortunately for the Class of ’93, we don’t live in a fantasy world. We live in reality and the reality is that our leader, Chico, successfully infiltrated their reunion. If they can’t stop him, how do they expect to stop our class??
The answer is they can’t. They are weak! Now is the time to attack. We must hit them hard on internet message boards, in the streets, at the clubs, in the rubber room, at the Blue Plate and Wong Dynasty, and in the squared circle!
As you know the Class of ’93 deals in half-truths and fiction. According to Chico, the Class of ’93 are spineless jellyfish.
If this is false, explain how he was able to lure members of their class to our class. They have no loyalty. Among the prized recruits he landed are: Mark Pirani, Kevin Granahan, Mike George, Ben Cranston, Beth Stanley, Dan Hehir, Tricia Rana, Adam Cederbaum, Jamie Farley, and Keith Hirst.
Here’s even more proof:
- Chico did not pay for one drink all night. The 94 beers he drank (in honor of our class) was paid for courtesy of the Class of ’93!
- Chico won a gift bag that was raffled off and he didn’t even have a raffle ticket! If a sucker is born every minute, then many of them were born into the Class of ’93.
- At the end of the night, party goers were chanting “94, 94, 94, 94!”
- Chico won the dance contest easily. When he was finished, everyone from the Class of ’93 carried him on their shoulders onto Main Street in Worcester, started crying like little babies, and were overheard saying, “Why don’t we have a leader like that?”
- No one wore formal wear except for Chico, who rocked the Tuxedo shirt. A reunion is a formal occassion, not a street party for thugs and ex-cons.
- Chico snuck a llama and a monkey into the party even though Irish Times doesn’t allow animals. Everyone thought they were members of the Class of ’93.
- No one wore green, but every day Chico bleeds green. The Class of ’93 has NO SCHOOL SPIRIT!
- Only 17 people showed up. Sounds more like a pancake party than a reunion.
- The reunion ended at 6:30 PM because organizers said they didn’t want people staying up late. It’s time to put the women and children to bed, Class of ’93!
- People were playing spin the bottle and red rover.
- Dr. Pandiscio did not sanction the event.
- The floor was slippery.
- Everyone was drinking O’Doul’s except Mo Cheeks who drank Wachusett Ale.
- Chico was voted the Reunion King and he is not even a member of the Class of ’93.
- Everyone had their shoes untied except Chico.
- No one paid homage to the rubber room or Miss Mungent.
- Organizers did not accept credit card as a method of payment.
That is just a snippet of how bad the Class of 93’s reunion was. Stay tuned for more updates on this reunion and the newest members of our awesome class!