THE BEST CLASS EVER

Making History Since Nineteen-Nordy Four


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WHAT A WEEK!!!

Our class is riding a wave of good fortune. Just two days after Doug Laidlaw set the keg stand record, his brother went out and destroyed it!!

It happened last night when Dave “JOOONES” Laidlaw called in the big horses (Reyo Matthews, John Dudley, Broham Brant Harmon, Mike Lewis, and Chris Nobile) to talk about raising the bar up a notch.

At the eleventh hour JOOONES decided to go for broke. He returned to the historic site where his brother set last weekend’s record.

What he did will be remembered by all for years to come. He proceeded to shatter Doug’s record by more than three seconds. It now officially stands at 46.928 seconds.

Here is how it went down:

JOOONES: My brother needed a little slice of humble pie and I served it to him with a side of revenge. As you know, revenge is a dish best served cold.

Class of 1994: What do you mean?

JOOONES: All Doug did over the past three days was run his mouth. Well, I shut his trap. He was talking to all the media outlets about how he was the greatest. He never once acknowledged the Class of ’94. That is BS!

Tonight I let my body do the talking, baby

Class of 1994: Could you explain to everyone why you held your four fingers up as you broke the record?

JOOONES: Definitely. I admit I was showboating a little. It’s a dangerous maneuver – no one has ever done a keg stand with one hand before. Until now. That is my signature move. Just like Ric Flair has the figure four leg lock, Stone Cold Steve Austin has the stunner, and the Undertaker has the Tombstone. I have the one hand keg stand.

But more importantly, I wanted to hold up the fingers to let everyone know that this victory was not just for me, but for the Class of 94. Four fingers for four years of dominance. Tonight that dominance continued.
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NEW RECORD!

Since news of the Katie O’ Connell incident hit the Wachusett district, a black cloud has been hanging over our class.
Thanks to Doug and Dave Laidlaw a silver lining has started to emerge. The Laidlaws were devastated by the negativity surrounding our class so they decided to do something about it.

They held a public forum at Wong Dynasty so all the bad air could be cleared. Some feelings were hurt, but afterwards the healing process began. The Laidlaws invited everyone into the Holden woods for a kegger behind an abandoned cement building.

The highlight of the night was a new keg stand record set by Doug Laidlaw (43.753 seconds), shattering the previous record held by Missy Nordberg (Class of 97 – 31.24 seconds).

When it was over all everyone could talk about was Doug’s amazing keg stand. We even got a chance to hear from the new record holder himself!

Doug: This is it. This is remarkable. There is no better feeling like this, brother. These are the days you dream about when you are a kid.

Class of 1994: How did you pull it off?

Doug: This was a total team effort. First off, let me thank Reyo Matthews and John Dudley for buying the keg. How do they do it? Everytime we need a keg, there they are. They are the unsung heroes of our class.

From there, I’d like to mention my brother, Dave, and also my broham Brant Harmon. The two of them held my legs. That is the secret to a good keg stand. Most people only have one person holding the legs, but you need two, one for each leg. It just makes sense for safety’s sake. Regardless of how bad you want to break the record, safety is always, always paramount.

Of course having a person who knows how to operate the tap is essential. That is where Nobile came in. He’s been doing this for years. Unofficially, he’s probably the best in the state. He doesn’t get enough recognition which is a shame. He knows where to aim, how much to pump, and when to crank it up.

Finally, Mike Lewis kept the time. In order to make this official, you need someone who is non-partisan working the clock. He made sure everything was legal, that both of my hands were on the keg and I wasn’t using performance enhancing drugs.

Class of 1994: What’s next? Where do you go from here?

Doug: That’s the big question everyone’s asking, isn’t it? First, I’d like a few days to savor this victory. Then I can ponder the future.

It took me 10 years to get to this point. I’d like to think I could break 50 seconds, but that is going to take a lot more than just training. It will take heart, determination, and a little luck.

I would also like to do some keg stands at the next reunion for charity.

Beyond that, I just want to get the word out that the Class of 94 is back on the map. We had a rough patch for a few months, but I honestly think we can now be considered the best class ever!