THE BEST CLASS EVER

Making History Since Nineteen-Nordy Four

NEW RECORD!

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Since news of the Katie O’ Connell incident hit the Wachusett district, a black cloud has been hanging over our class.
Thanks to Doug and Dave Laidlaw a silver lining has started to emerge. The Laidlaws were devastated by the negativity surrounding our class so they decided to do something about it.

They held a public forum at Wong Dynasty so all the bad air could be cleared. Some feelings were hurt, but afterwards the healing process began. The Laidlaws invited everyone into the Holden woods for a kegger behind an abandoned cement building.

The highlight of the night was a new keg stand record set by Doug Laidlaw (43.753 seconds), shattering the previous record held by Missy Nordberg (Class of 97 – 31.24 seconds).

When it was over all everyone could talk about was Doug’s amazing keg stand. We even got a chance to hear from the new record holder himself!

Doug: This is it. This is remarkable. There is no better feeling like this, brother. These are the days you dream about when you are a kid.

Class of 1994: How did you pull it off?

Doug: This was a total team effort. First off, let me thank Reyo Matthews and John Dudley for buying the keg. How do they do it? Everytime we need a keg, there they are. They are the unsung heroes of our class.

From there, I’d like to mention my brother, Dave, and also my broham Brant Harmon. The two of them held my legs. That is the secret to a good keg stand. Most people only have one person holding the legs, but you need two, one for each leg. It just makes sense for safety’s sake. Regardless of how bad you want to break the record, safety is always, always paramount.

Of course having a person who knows how to operate the tap is essential. That is where Nobile came in. He’s been doing this for years. Unofficially, he’s probably the best in the state. He doesn’t get enough recognition which is a shame. He knows where to aim, how much to pump, and when to crank it up.

Finally, Mike Lewis kept the time. In order to make this official, you need someone who is non-partisan working the clock. He made sure everything was legal, that both of my hands were on the keg and I wasn’t using performance enhancing drugs.

Class of 1994: What’s next? Where do you go from here?

Doug: That’s the big question everyone’s asking, isn’t it? First, I’d like a few days to savor this victory. Then I can ponder the future.

It took me 10 years to get to this point. I’d like to think I could break 50 seconds, but that is going to take a lot more than just training. It will take heart, determination, and a little luck.

I would also like to do some keg stands at the next reunion for charity.

Beyond that, I just want to get the word out that the Class of 94 is back on the map. We had a rough patch for a few months, but I honestly think we can now be considered the best class ever!
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One thought on “NEW RECORD!

  1. Amazing!!!! Doug belongs in a class with the best athletes of our generation, Jordan, Tiger Woods, Lebron, and the teamwork to pull off such a feat is reminiscent of that of the world championship patriot teams. Congrats to all involved. I know that Doug would say that this is a team victory, even though he walked away with the award. It’s moments like these, and amazing performances by people such as Doug and Mr. Larry Rettig, that make me proud to have signed a long term contract with the class of 1994

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