After a three month internal investigation we have uncovered a major crime by one of our own: KATIE O’CONNELL.
In December, we held a food drive for the Wachusett Food Pantry (www.wfp1995.org). Katie was “nice” enough to offer her house as a drop off point for donations.
Little did we know that there was a reason Katie was being so “nice”: COOKIES.
While we helped gather boxes and bags of groceries, Katie was busy putting her hand in the proverbial cookie jar.
A number of people donated cookies, but thanks to Katie (AKA the COOKIE MONSTER) they are all gone. She ate all of them (including three boxes of Oreos, six boxes of Nutter Butters, and four boxes of Chips Ahoy!)
We were clued into this heinous crime by an anonymous tip from Mark Palmer. Following up on this lead, our class president, Mo Cheeks, took a crumb sample from Katie’s sweater (seen above) and sent it to a crime scene investigation lab in Boston for testing.
The results came back positive in January that these were indeed cookie crumbs. A series of interviews followed. In addition to Katie, we probed her best friend Megan Hehir, her ex-neighbor in Britain, Billy Ocean, and her second best friend, Beth Woodcome, for answers.
We shined a light on truth and what we learned was disgusting, upsetting, and sickening. The four were in cahoots – devouring cookies at every turn. We found piles of cookies in Megan Hehir’s garage, Beth Woodcome’s back yard, and Billy Ocean’s recording studio.
We have confiscated all of them and placed Katie on double triple probation – the harshest penalty ever handed down by the Class of ’94.
We also promise to never play a Billy Ocean song at any of our reunions.