In a stunning series of events, Craig “Cheezer” Paradis slept through Christmas this year.

“I don’t know what happened,” Cheezer said when woken at 8:15 this morning by his roommate Chris Nobile.

Here is what we do know:

At 5:30 PM on Christmas Eve, Cheezer contemplated going to Wong Dynasty before he was alerted in a text a half hour later from Brant Harmon that Wong is no longer open.

He then, from wire reports, made a bacon and cheese omelette for himself before baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies he placed on the counter, along with a glass of two percent milk, for Santa Claus.

After eating the omelette he played shirtless Guitar Hero for the next hour and a half.

Shortly after 9:30, he was tucked into bed by his roommate. “I’ve been a good boy this year,” he told Nobile.

Those were the last words he spoke for nearly a day and a half. He woke up this morning, sleeping nearly 36 hours. That is a class record and one of the top five-marks set by any man, according to the Guinness Book of World Records.

As to how he slept that long, Paradis was unsure but attributed it to the following:

1. Nobile didn’t wake him up like he normally does.
2. He was dreaming of sugar plums dancing in his head.
3. He forgot to set his alarm.
4. He was tired.
5. He did it for our class.

The last may be the most important reason, Cheezer admitted. And if need be, he said, he will sleep even longer if it means our class finally getting the respect it deserves.

“I will sleep forever if I have to,” Cheezer said this morning while still in bed. He rubbed his eyes several times before putting his head back on his pillow and taking a quick nap, proving just how much he loves the Class of ’94.