As your Class President I relive the greatest moment of my life in my head every day. That moment was my speech to you in 1993 when I promised to lead our class out of the ashes and into the promised land.
As you know Jimmy Saunders and Lisa Cederbaum were fiscally and socially irresponsible leaders. Our class was on death row. With those clowns in charge we were the laughingstock of the town. It took a lot of work, but I turned us around big time. Now we are the envy of every high school class in the world.
2005 has been such a momentous one it is not even funny. This past November I had a chance to continue our success when I attended the Wedding Of The Year, that of PATRICK AND LIANE TINSLEY!
This wedding was fortuitous on many, many fronts. I was able to firm up commitments from the Seven Tinsley Brothers. Known as The Seven Wonders of The World, these brothers have turned our class into a true dynasty.
Our future is locked up for 2020 and beyond. We are so loaded with talent that I can afford to take a year or two off in Jamaica and live the high life, Ricky Williams style.
You voted me your President because I am an amazing leader and an amazing recruiter. Some of the Tinsleys said “Show Me The Money.” Damn right I did.
With other Tinsleys I used big words like “championship” and “blitzkrieg.” They didn’t know what hit them.
And finally there was Dan The Man Tinsley (T-2). He did not want to let his class go. After opening up my check book and buying him about eight mojitos, he was singing a different tune. I tell you right now that Dan Tinsley is Phi Slamma Jamma. Summa Cum Laude. Believe me when I say that he will be starting immediately.
Without further a due, I present to you the Seven Wonders Of The World and newest members of our class: Dan, Michael, David, Sean, Christopher, Matt and King Pat Tinsley.