THE BEST CLASS EVER

Making History Since Nineteen-Nordy Four

UNDER ATTACK!

2 Comments

AS PRESIDENT OF THE BEST CLASS EVER, I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT AND TO SERVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. UNFORTUNATELY, THERE ARE ROGUE ELEMENTS THAT ARE TRYING TO SUBVERT THE CLASS OF 1994. I WILL LIST A FEW: THE WACHUSETT CLASS OF 1995, AL QAEDA, JEALOUS PEOPLE, SCOTT STAPP OF THE BAND CREED, K FED, AND WAL-MART.

THE PROOF IS EVERY WHERE. ASK YOURSELF THIS, WHY DIDN’T WE HAVE A 12TH YEAR REUNION? THE ANSWER: TERRORISTS, THE CLASS OF 1995, AND K FED.

BECAUSE WE ARE THE BEST CLASS EVER, WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER ATTACK. THE VERY FREEDOMS THAT WE SEEK TO PROTECT ARE BEING THREATENED EACH AND EVERY DAY BY SINISTER MILITANT GROUPS.

IT IS SICKENING. EARLIER THIS YEAR, THEY TRIED TO HACK INTO THIS WEBSITE AND SHUT US DOWN. THERE HAVE BEEN ATTACKS ON MY LIFE. THESE PEOPLE WHO CONDEMN US SILENTLY BEHIND CLOSED DOORS WERE SUCCESSFUL IN ELIMINATING THE RUBBER ROOM FROM THE NEW WACHUSETT HIGH SCHOOL.

THESE ARE NOT JUST RANDOM ATTACKS. THESE ARE PREMEDITATED ACTS OF VIOLENCE. MAYBE LISA CEDERBAUM OR JIMMY SAUNDERS WOULD HAVE ALLOWED OUR CLASS TO BE THREATENED LIKE THIS, BUT UNDER MY WATCH THIS WILL NOT STAND.

LAST WEEK I RAISED THE TERROR ALERT AGAINST OUR CLASS TO ORANGE. THIS IS THE HIGHEST IT HAS EVER BEEN IN OUR LIVES.

MY SECOND ACT WAS TO FIND THE MEANEST BADDEST S.O.B.’S THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI AND MOLD THEM INTO TRAINED ASSASSINS.

AFTER AN EXHAUSTIVE SEARCH I FOUND THEM – RICK AND ELAINE ROBERGE – AT THE WONG DYNASTY. THEY SEEMED INNOCENT ENOUGH, BUT WHEN I LOOKED INTO THEIR EYES, I SAW THE PASSION OF A MILLION ACE OF BASE FANS.

MY JOB OVER THE LAST TWO YEARS WAS TO TURN THAT PASSION INTO CONTROLLABLE RAGE. I IMMEDIATELY SENT THEM TO HAITI TO TRAIN UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF MANUEL JOSE LOPEZ FERREIRA, A HAITIAN MAN.

THE ROBERGE’S SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS LEARNING SURVIVAL SKILLS AND NINJA MOVES DEEP IN THE DEPTHS OF HAITI’S RAINFORESTS.

THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN THREE WEEKS AGO AT THE END OF THE ROBERGE’S TRAINING. AS YOU CAN SEE RICK (LEFT) AND ELAINE (MIDDLE) ARE NOT JUST READY. THEY ARE WARRIORS.

MANUEL JOSE LOPEZ FERREIRA (ON THE RIGHT) HAS GIVEN ME HIS WORD THAT MR. AND MRS. ROBERGE ARE WORTHY COMPATRIOTS. THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO MAKE SURE OUR CLASS IS SAFE.

THEIR WORD IS THEIR BOND.

THEY WILL NOT ONLY ACT AS CHAPERONES DURING ALL CLASS OF 1994 FUNCTIONS, BUT THEY WILL BE OUR BODYGUARDS.

OUR LIFE MAY BE IN THEIR HANDS, BUT REST EASY MY FRIENDS, THEY HAVE THE BEST HANDS, HANDS THAT ARE NOW REGISTERED WEAPONS!

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2 thoughts on “UNDER ATTACK!

  1. Chico (sounds like seek-o),I see that you never let the truth stand in the way of a good story. The truth is that you are more qualified to chaperone the best class ever than Mrs. Roberge and myself. During the two years that you thought we were training in Haiti, we’ve been to Disney, the Dominican Republic, the Mayan Riviera, Utah, Goose Rocks Beach, and last week we cruised on the Enchantment of the Seas to Jamaica and Grand Gayman. MANUEL JOSE LOPEZ FERREIRA is actually Eric. Eric was the man to know at our resort in Mexico. So, although we may not be able to protect the Class of 1994 from attacks from those who wish they could be part of the magic, we have been upgrading our ability to party and hope to someday be able to keep up with you.Thanks for including us both then and now. Your class is special. The way that you all keep in touch. The way that you bring other classes together. It’s been fun to watch.

  2. Hey, Chico!I forgot to mention Kai’s blog. For those who don’t know, Kai was born to Mark & Robin Roberge on January 3rd. He posts regularly at http://kairoberge.com/.

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